Condescending behavior in workplace

I’ve been in the industry a long time and facing very condescending behavior from an older male employee. Going behind peoples backs to have meetings, when confronted says “ he doesn’t cry about things” ( this behavior is toward female employees). I guess I’m surprised because I thought people & behavior has evolved? I have confronted the person head on. Has anyone else dealt with this and what did you do?

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yikes! I’ve worked with a lot of toxic coworkers (what is it about fashion?!). I’ve tried so many things, trying to get to know them better to create a bond, trying to be a good teammate and go out on a limb for them thinking they might appreciate it, trying to confront them (gently) to address issues… honestly, nothing has ever worked for me. The type of people who do that stuff have deep emotional trauma they have never worked through and rarely have any desire to change or even be real about what they are doing to the people around them.

I’ve found that the best way to deal with toxic co-workers is to just try to avoid working with them as much as possible. Unless they express a desire to change their behavior, they never will, sadly.

If your managers notice this employee and ask about it, maybe you’ll have some luck there, but, again, I’ve found that managers rarely address these issues and usually see the person who complains as the one who is the issue.

Honestly, this was a major reason I quit to be freelance, I finally don’t have to work with people who are terrible teammates! But I do believe there are some workplaces out there who highly value good team values and will refuse to hire someone who isn’t a good addition to the team. It’s worth interviewing around and trying to find that workplace.

Good luck!


Hi Boomie! pls give some more info: is this man on your level, or above you? Is he a direct supervisor? Are you in design, sales, or production? Is your company large or small? Is he older or younger than you? Does he have a group of allies in your company that excludes you? Were you well regarded and liked in your workplace before this man arrived? Feel free to DM me; I’d be happy to spend time. There are so many reasons for this dynamic, therefore many appropriate responses.

Boomie- sorry to hear about this your experience. Over many years working in fashion, I have found that this kind of behavior usually means that the “toxic” person either feels somehow threatened by you (they are insecure) or they are jealous of you (they think you get attention that they want for themselves). How to handle it depends on many factors in your workplace dynamic, but if you can figure out if it’s insecurity or jealousy that may put you on a better path to dealing with it. Good luck.

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